He was short with red hair, looked like he was about 18 maybe. He was a little chubby and had no facial hair or body hair. All 3 of us were playing pool and drinking. We were chatting and I was hoping for a brother sister 3some(didn't happen). Turns out it was his 21st birthday, so he decided to come to a gay bar. I told him he should be out getting laid not playing pool. He told me that he never had sex, and never even had a blow job. I asked why, he said he was still in the closet and didn't feel comfortable telling anyone but his sister, and women have never turned him on. I told him since it was his birthday I would give him one. His eyes lite up and his sister urged him on to get one. They thought we were going to leave, I told him to follow me, and grabbed his hand. We walked to the back of the bar to a dark corner out of sight.I pulled him towards me and put my arms around him. I kissed him, he was so cute and nervous, he didn't even part his lips. I ran my hands down his side. They are not there as he and I learn to do for ourselves, so very young, until we can find the pod again.These things I have only with Kitik. He is all of my life. When the others tell me to leave shadow, they do not know they are asking me to leave my life.If I leave my life I must go to the land, and I am not ready to go to the land.But Altauk shows me the way. I do not think he means to do that, I think he merely speaks out of weariness—weariness of me, and of my coming always back to this place.“Go to that place, go where you will, Minacou,” he says to me. “Go to find Kitik if that is right for you. But Kitik is not there, it is only shadow. You must seek Kitik in the now if that is what you must do.”I tell him that I do not know how.“Then learn how,” he says impatiently. “Or leave shadow. You know that the way of shadow leads not to Kitik but to the land.”Yes, I know that; Altauk is wise, he sees what the path of shadow does to others like Acou. I know he does not wish for me to.
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